I'm working at a car rental agency, and I've decided to write this list, this list of things that I've found in your car. Things that aren't valuable enough to keep around, but things that I'm making a list about anyways. You won't find any of these things in the lost-and-found bin, because they're not there. I've kept a few of them around to remind me to get around to this article, so if one of them is yours, tell me about it.

Found: two hair pins. Slightly rusted.

Found: one McDonald's straw.

Found: the hairy remains of the Yetti that you slaughtered in the backseat.

Found: a used ticket for the movie "Jason Bourne."

Found: the frayed edges of the yellow carbon copy of an incident report. Reynolds and Reynolds. GPM-000969.

Found: two bright neon yellow sticky notes. The first for the telephone number to the Government Travel Card office. The second for an appointment at the Central City Mall.

Found: a business card for the manager trainee at my local branch.

Found: several used paperclips.

Found: two highly over-exposed Fugifilm instax negatives. Within them, I can identify a long pier.

Found: one used hotel valet parking ticket.

Found: one broken watchband.

Found: two individual Starbursts wrappers, from two separate vehicles.

Found: one yellow parking permit. 5121.

Found: the remaining piece of the bag of red Twizzlers you tore into.

Found: one used parking ticket from Stall #52 at 1st Avenue and Pike Street in Seattle.

Found: one used parking ticket from tall #20 at the 2nd and James garage in Seattle.

Found: two brochures for the "New Life Church" in Everett.

Found: one used plastic fork.

Found: one Ross price tag from Housewares for an item that costed $2.99.

Found: one tube of petroleum-free lip balm made by Evergreen Health.

Found: one receipt from the McDonald's in Burlington for an Egg McMuffin, a Medium Orange Juice, and one large Coffee.

Found: one receipt from the McDonald's in Hunnington Beach, California, for 2 Cheeseburgers and 2 Hamburgers.

Found: one departure ticket from the Beach Street Inn and Suites dated September 22.

Found: one used straw.

Found: one unopened straw from McDonald's.

Found: one used coffee heat stay from the Narratine Coffee Company.

Found: one broken Step-it chidren's toy.

Found: one used boarding pass from July 18 out of Austin Texas. You were landing at Seatac.

Found: one Driver's log itinerary.

Found: one used parking ticket from the Seatac Airport parking garage.

Found: one used parking valet ticket from the Heathman Hotel in Portland, Oregon.

Found: one used toothpick.

Found: one used parking ticket from Towne Park. 378217.

Found: several used nuts and bolts. What you took these from, I have no idea.

Found: one used parking ticket from stall #22 at the Diamond Parking lot A052.

Found: one business card for Kathryn L. Castro, Navy recruiter.

Found: one used package for the "blu" classic tobacco e-cigarette you recently bought. That's a very bad habit.

Found: one used parking valet ticket from the Rainier Hotel.

Found: one used ferry ticket from the BlackBall ferry to Victoria, British Columbia.

Found: one used cold-drink holder with the symbol of an anchor on the outside.

Found: one used guitar pick. Dunlop, USA .58mm.

Found: one business card for Ross Manning, sales consultant at Northwest Honda dealership in Bellingham. I found that one in your Kia.