The Darkness

The darkness approaches me

Realistically I'm

Frightened

I'm scared

I'm shit out of luck and I'm

Tired


Tired of the feeling

On the surface of my cranium

I've been skullfucked

I've been barbecued

And sauted with marinade

And roasted over a 

Fire


Fire and bombs and guns

Reign in my mind

Behind the plexiglass

Refracting my reflection

And skewing my sense of

Perception

Invoking a


Paranoid

Schizophrenic

Gang of bad guys

AND I HATE NEW YORK

Another Letter to Abriel

Abriel,


I haven’t sent you any letters in a while. I’m sorry, so very much sorry. I know what it is to have something terribly wrong happen.


To be quite honest, I was afraid to write this letter. I am not sure if you are still alive. I don’t know anything about what happened last month, other than what I see on American news broadcasts, which most of the time don’t show you the whole picture.


When I was about your age - it’s hard to believe that you’re already 10 years old - the American Twin Towers fell in New York City. There were images seared into my mind that day that I will never be able to get rid of. They will always be there. I see those images when I dream sometimes.


I can’t tell you anything that will relieve you of feelings that you are so right to have. Life must be very confusing right now.


I can only give you my advice: live to honor the memories of those who are no longer with us. Go on living a good life, to honor their memories. Be the best that you can be.


I met a man the other day. He was a strapping young gentleman full of… something that I can’t exactly describe. He told me not to worry about anything, that everything would be taken care of. That everything - no, in fact, the universe tends to unfold as it should. Or at least it will showed. If it didn’t, he added, then we would all be very confused as to the nature of our existences in bent space, and the loss of theoretical physics would therein for be bent themselves. No,  indeed the universe does tend to unfold as it should.


I got your Christmas card. It was so sweet of you to send me that card. But I don’t care for christmas cards with happy images on them, because I’m sure that is the last thing on your mind right now.

Holding up the floor

I'm staring at the ground.

I can't do it.

I'm fucked.

I need to pass this fucking test. I need to pass. I need to do this. Come on, come on you piece of shit! Do this! Do it!

I kick out my legs, and do three push ups. I collapse to the ground, spent.

Not physically... Mentally. I know that somewhere in here is the capability to do more. But right now, for some fucking reason - I'm nervous? My palms start sweating, I have trouble breathing, my muscles are tensing up. I rub my hands together and start breathing hard.

DO THESE FUCKING PUSH UPS!

I do ten more, and collapse again.

I don't get it. I'm scared. It's like i'm terrified, and I don't know why.