i will be 30 soon

I can't help but feel that I've wasted my twenties.

I'm still working on the same Bachelor's degree that I was when I turned 20. I've cycled myself through four prior collegiate institutions by my own failures or the fuckery of circumstance.

However - I got my first 4.0 grades last year, and they keep coming. I think I have finally figured this shit out - but the irony - my Pell Grant runs out a little over a year from now, and I've got more than that to go.

I finished the first draft of my novel - but it's the same damn novel that I started in my early twenties.

If I'd been born rich, if I'd been more successful in my business ventures as a kid - I'd have finished the thing six years ago. I'd be on my eighth novel by now, and I'd have mastered the craft.

I never got to sleep with someone in their twenties while I was still in my twenties, and that's probably my biggest regret. Do not confuse the issue - I've WANTED to get laid the whole time, but that's the problem with being a virgin - you don't have a choice in it. Being a nice guy sometimes means you don't get laid by the girls you want.

There aren't as many one night stand stories about people in their thirties as there are about people in their twenties.

I think I might have to save up for a professional, doesn't seem like much else I can do about this problem right now - if I want to get laid, I probably have to pay for it. I have no problem with that, but there again is the problem with being of lower income - a decent pro will cost me three months salary.

And I'm still fat - but I made a promise to myself - I will not be fat when I get to thirty. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. And when I get fit again, maybe it will let me feel better about not wanting to sleep with any fat chicks.

I have no problem at all admitting that I'm loathed by fat chicks. Fat people generally, I'm in Bill Maher's camp. It's your own damn fault, just as it's my own damn fault for being fat.

I've wasted half of my twenties being fat. I don't want to be fat anymore.

And most of my teeth are gone now. My enamel is completely gone, and it's only a matter of time until every single original tooth in my mouth is gone, and I'll have to reenlist just to get all the new ones back. Or become a successful Hollywood actor and pay for a new set.


I'm almost thirty. Fuck.


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