My coffee is cold. My laptop’s Sold State Drive betrays the silence with an involuntary tick as it kicks around the ideas of what it’s learned about humanity through the lens of my words over the past three months.
I really have to sit here a moment and realize that in this moment, I am good. I have to say that right now - in this moment - although stuck in an arduous monetary feedback loop, I’m really not doing as bad as I was only a few months ago.
I’m not sleeping in my car - I’ve actually been able to pay my rent for more than a month - even though I’m only living in an RV. I’m technically not homeless. I have a roof, a microwave, electricity, a mattress, running water, and a shower. And my kitchen window looks out over a vast landscape that’s actually quite beautiful.
I still owe a lot of people money. A lot of people. But as long as I don’t think about it, it’s fine, right? This job is only temporary, and I’ll soon have disposable income. I hope.
But it’s so bittersweet to hope. The last time I said that I was on an upward trajectory on this blog - some bad shit happened. I was kicked out of the college I was at for non-payment and wound up back in my car. So.
I’m not going to pretend that this situation is stable. It’s not. It’s rickety, and can fall apart anytime. But it’s good for now. And, I think I can keep pushing. I think I can keep moving forward. I think I can do this.
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