The District 8 Congressional Debate: A review

  From October 28, 2022

a box or crate for packing soap
a crate used as a platform for speech-making

stump speech
a political campaign speech, especially one made on a campaign tour.
It’s hard sometimes to admit to myself that I am a political scientist. In all of my life, among the many things that I’ve ever been thoroughly trained to do, the two most prominent are firstly, killing people, and secondly, involving myself in politics. It’s odd to me that at times I’ve been far more comfortable with the notion of the first than with the second.

Welcome to American Politics. Welcome to a life that once lived is addicting, but completely insane. I don't see another life that I could have ever lived, I don’t have any desire to stray too far from the magnetic ebb of activism, and yet the average citizen wouldn’t understand the source of my librations.
It might be assumed that any political scientist has done the following throughout the course of their career, lest they could be regarded as a hackish poser;

    • Attend a Presidential Campaign Rally
    • Campaign for a candidate
    • Attend a campaign debate of some sort

However, proximity matters. If you’ve spent your whole life geographically on the peripheries of sphere, instead of at its epicenters, it’s a bitch to gain any field experience in politics - especially due to the fact that the standard practice in this field is to not pay any interns anything at all, for anything. I’ve done two of the above activities only once in my life, several years ago.
And today is the 28th of October.
Tomorrow, I get to tell the world that I attended a congressional debate for the first time in my life, knocking off another stitch on the notch list.
What a country.
I AM PISSED OFF. Those motherfuckers at security took made me leave my fucking coffee outside‽ That makes no goddamn sense to me - I was in this room only a month ago chugging a twenty ounce, not to mention the fact that during the normal theatre season we’ve literally got a concessions stand that sells snacks and shit.
They told me it’s ‘for security reasons,’ but it’s not like I’m drinking battery acid or napalm. Fucking pricks. Jason - I didn’t want to start this night upset, it changes my outlook. But… I guess I can brush that shit off. Not the first time it’s happened to me in the game of politics.
This debate is happening in the McConnell Hall theatre, which enthuses me. I belong here. Theatre’s my people, this is my domain, my place, my hizouse. It’s only my minor, sure, but talking with thespians is my jam so much more than is working with wonks. All the world’s a stage, right?
It’s my 30th birthday today, and I wish Trump were never born. This motherfucker right here - Matt Larkin, he hasn’t taken it upon himself to denounce the fucker, and that makes a man as bad as the cunt. In order for evil to triumph, good men must do nothing. And I don’t even know if Larkin was any good to begin with.
Who’s on the docket today? Kim Schrier, the incumbent candidate, a no-shit Medical Doctor - and Matt fucking Larkin, the wannabe cowboy douchebag. I want to scream at this motherfucker that the Stetson wasn’t even invented when the West was really Wild.
But I’ve got an open mind, maybe he has some good ideas?
The new President of the University, Jim Wolphart, has given a speech. But this is my first time seeing him at a podium - and it isn’t what I was expecting at all. Short, stiff, and completely devoid of emotion. It’s almost like he either doesn’t want to be here, or he’s dreading the outcome of this thing.
The Republican is wearing blue - does that make sense? We’re on a college campus, so I guess it does. Within a den of intelligentsia, I wonder if you have to temper your advocation for the existence of the ignorant dipshits at the base of the GOP? Wearing blue for a Republican is a psychological restraint of some sort - like the collar worn by a priest, it is meant to symbolize chains. I like that this man isn’t so red, but I highly doubt that this means he isn’t as insane as his party. After 2016, I don’t see how anyone who chooses the GOP is anything other than insane.
Funny thing though, enough to make me guffaw, that in this country the colors are the opposite of what they are anywhere else in the world. In every other democracy, Red is the color of the far left, being that it was that most favored by the Communists.
The Democrat is wearing purple. It looks sharp, but it’s a little too centrist for my tastes. I used to believe that Centrism was the only valid form of existence, but I have since realized that the more you give, the more the dipshits will take. So, if you give at all on the rights of women, or gay marriage, or the right to vote - the dipshits will take those rights away. The GOP salivates over human rights like Cookie Monster munches down Chips Ahoy.
Perhaps, when Reagan was President, it might have been OK to be a Republican. But today, I just don’t fucking get it.
I’ve just noticed that the banner on the fucking podium is lopsided. Nice job, publicity department. Way to fucking go. No wonder we’re going through a rebranding phase, we can’t even center our logo on a podium drape.
Did I only notice that because they took my camera away?
Gods, what is this awkward silence? Oh, huh, wait - I think they’re waiting for the commercial break to end back at the Affiliate. So Jim only spoke to us? That means he wasn’t even being awkward for the camera, he was just being awkward in general. Ho… boy. No judgements, it’s a tough crowd.
Interesting choice for the cyc lights tonight - looks like a kind of Winter Blue on a black scrim.
They’ve piped in the intro over the local PA system - but ohmygod is this shit terribly compressed or what‽ To anyone who didn’t know better, they might think the cable dogs here were bad at their jobs - but I’ve gotten to know Jason and Tina well enough to know that this isn’t their fault, it’s the Affiliate’s choice of audio compression. Can somebody say compatibility? Either way, it sounds like shit.
And here we are, time for the introductions…
Oh my god.
What the fuck‽
Oh my god… it’s Fox. The person hosting this fucking debate is from A FUCKING FOX NEWS AFFILIATE. I mean, it’s a local channel, but does that absolve any of their sins at all, if the word Fox is followed after every introduction? At least it’s not a 24 hour feed of the insanity of their parent - so the dipshitity is probably lessened by their distal geography. Even on a given Monday, they will only air five hours of so-called “news” content. Because they’re normal, and they know that there’s no such thing as a 24-hour news cycle.
Wait - I’ve missed the rest of the introductions. Who are these people? They’re all facing away from me! Are all four of these people from Fox?
They need windbreakers like federal agencies wear - so I can quickly identify their organizations.

        *Future Edit*
                Looks like there were four news organizations represented onstage tonight, but I was so fucking upset that the GOPropaganda machine was allowed into the room that I didn’t hear any of the other names.

                Those names were:
                    Hannah Kim, Fox 13
                    Maddison Wade, King 5
                    Tracci Dial, KNDU (the Tri Cities have their own TV station?)
                    David Hyde, KUOW

OK, here we go, getting into the meat of it. Time for the opening salvos, and what are they?
Matt Larkin:
    Fear Mongering. It’s us vs. Crime.
Kim Schrier:
    Fear Mongering. It’s us vs Them.

OK, now I’m wondering if, instead of notating the entire debate, because it’s going to be uploaded to fucking YouTube, I should just do my own thing, and keep a running tally of shit I’ve heard before:

Fear Mongering Bullshit (FMB) that’s entirely irrelevant:
            \\\\ \\ = 7 occurrences
“Thoughts and prayers”:
            \ = One occurrence, but not directly stated
Concerning the Presidential election (irrelevant to this debate):
            \\\\ \\\\ \\\\ \ = 16 occurrences
Inflation (Fear mongering by the moderators):
            \\\\ \\\\ \ = 11 occurrences
Candidates quoting their own television ads because they don’t have any original thoughts:
            \\\\ \\\\ \\\\ = 15 occurrences
            Moderators: \\\\ \ = 6 occurrences
            Schrier: \\\ = 3 occurrences
            Larkin: \\\\ \\\\ \\\\ = 15 occurrences
Appeals to emotion:
            \\\\ \\\\ = 10 occurrences
Basically, I get things done:
            \\\\ \\\\ \\\\ \\\\ = 20 occurrences
“Trust me, I’m a Doctor”
            \\\\ \\\\ = 10 occurrences

Where do the Candidates stand on the issues that matter?????

    Climate Change was only addressed by the moderators nearly 45 minutes into this fucking thing, even though it should have been the first question asked. Anyways, unfortunately, what I perceived from BOTH candidates is that the solution is to drill MORE‽ WTF, Kim, I thought you were savvy to this shit!

    Crop Yields were never mentioned. Farming was not mentioned. Ag was not mentioned. Which doesn’t make any fucking sense to me - this is fucking ELLENSBURG!!!! This town, above all else, is a FARMING TOWN! And they don’t even mention it? WTF, moderators, WTF.

    On Abortion, Schrier is probably going to win the election because of her clear and present understanding that Abortion is a human right. Whereas Larkin literally said, at one point, that we have “other things to worry about.” He’s all about whataboutism, isn’t he, the dipshit? Very much the anti-choice candidate here, and saying that it’s a STATES issue? Talk about passing the buck, what a dipshit.

Where do the Candidates stand on irrelevant issues?

     Gun Crimes… what?
     Nancy Pelosi’s attempted assassination… why would ANYONE ask about that? That happened in San Fucking Francisco!!!

SERIOUSLY, these moderators are fear mongering like I’ve never fucking seen before! What do these issues have anything to do with the people of THIS DISTRICT??? These are national issues, and while these Representatives will be working at the national level to address them - they are not the issues that should have taken up ANY time here at this debate!!!

OK, so it does turn out that Matthew Larkin is still a dipshit. Especially when he doesn’t understand that all Americans benefit from a stronger IRS: the IRS keeps inflation DOWN because they punish the cheaters and keep the system fair, keeping American money in America, instead of in a tax haven.

In conclusion - these moderators have a lot to answer for. I want my time back. What a shitshow.



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